Hacking Emotional Intelligence: A Simple Approach to Increasing EQ 


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Analysis is your strength. You are a great problem solver. You have come up with great solutions and advice.

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Yet, you are not as impressive and therefore not as successful as your intelligence, talents and skills deserve.

My friend and founder of 100 Coaches, Marshall Goldsmith, wrote the business book What’s Got You Here, Won’t Get You There, to address this conundrum.


Marshall explained how technical ability can lead you to a certain level of success in your career. But when you depend on other people to achieve your success and when you humiliate and discourage them instead of motivating them – even if it’s not intentional – you can achieve your best results or reach your full potential. are unlikely to realize.

In short, he was talking about how having a high IQ is not enough to compensate for a low EQ.

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EQ, or emotional quotient, refers to your emotional intelligence. It’s about being aware of how you come across people emotionally and being aware of how people would like you to appear before them, then adjusting your attitude and behavior accordingly. When you are unaware of these two, you are exhibiting a low EQ.

If you’re reading this, you probably already know about the above. However, despite taking courses or reading books on the subject, you are still having difficulty. Although it makes sense – to be more influential and successful, you should increase your emotional intelligence – it still isn’t going to work for you.

I assume you are reading this article because of the catchy title, a simple approach that will enable you to hack and finally develop emotional intelligence.

If this is true then guess what?

I used that emotional intelligence hack to get you through: capturing your interest by feeling and being curious about what you were seeing and reading.

The hack is realizing that whoever you are talking to or communicating with is not only listening to you, but they are also hearing something from you.

When you realize that a person is always listening, and you then become curious as to what it is, why are they listening to you and why are they listening to you now – and you do it with an open mind. Are – You are not only displaying emotional intelligence but also demonstrating maximum presence.

This is because appearance like beauty is in relation to the eye, the ear and the beholder. The more the viewer feels that you are connected with them and in tune with what they are hearing, the more present you are for them.

Of course, it’s helpful to know what people are listening to without telling you. When you do, you can often come across as a mind reader, making people curious as to what else you can learn or understand about them.

However, it is not necessary to be comfortable.

Simply feeling that people are always listening to something from you and being sincerely curious asking them what it might be – and moreover, asking them why they are listening to it – demonstrates emotional intelligence. By doing so, you are validating and, more than that, evaluating what is on their mind. This is something that people rarely experience.

To synthesize and repeat the above, as I demonstrated emotional intelligence with you, is it true that you are reading this article because you were looking for a way to improve your emotional intelligence? Perhaps because you’ve been told on a few occasions that you’re lacking, and it’s getting in the way of achieving your greatest success and fulfilling your vital potential?

And is it also true that you are reading this article now because there has recently been a situation in which you have had success either professionally or personally, however, and you were disappointed enough that you have not been able to develop your EQ? Decided to take another blow?

How can you implement this hack?

The next time you’re having a conversation with someone and your instincts tell you it’s not going in the right direction, say to the other person, “Can we stop for a moment?”

This will make them wary, but it will also indicate that you feel that the conversation is not going in the direction they want.

When they respond with curiosity, with puzzles and expectation, and with “Okay,” say to them, “I think when we started talking, you’d be better off helping you in that situation.” We’re looking for and listening to, and we didn’t address that. What are you listening to, so we can see if we can cover it now?”

As they begin to speak, focus on words or phrases they can use that demonstrate the underlying emotion, such as “never” or “always” or “wonderful” or “disappointing.” Pay attention to the intensity of their voice increasing.

After they share, say more about “never” (or ‘always’ or ‘wonderful,’ etc.), respond with,” as this allows them to go deeper and open up to you even more. will inspire.

After that, ask them questions like, “What effect has this had?” and “Is that something you’d like to do something about?” and “What would be the result if you were able to fix it (improve it, rectify it, etc.), and what would be the consequence if you didn’t do anything about it?”

This can be reminiscent of taking a sales approach versus a consulting approach with others, and it is not a coincidence. I think the more counselors a person is, the more emotional intelligence they are generally displaying.

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