The show followed Granthshala News’ game plan: see what all the sheep are up to, and provide what’s missing.
Happy Thursday everyone – it’s a big day at Granthshala News. It’s our 25th anniversary. Yes, this network was launched 25 years ago. And Joe Biden just turned 69
25 years Now generally, if anything over 25, it’s too old for me.
But the same thing happened as it happened in those days. So, what was it like when we started? Well, unlike mainstream media, we weren’t afraid to take risks. Mainly because FNC didn’t drug test us at the time.
Here is our first morning show called “Marshmallow and Friends”.
*Video of a man with his face tied trying to eat marshmallows with a string*
It’s hard to believe that Amy didn’t win a day. I remember Doosy having to give Heimlich to Kilmeade because he started choking on one of those little buggers. His rating dropped when Kilmeade was alive.
But we also created hard-hitting primetime programming. Like the “slap factor”.
*Video a Man is getting slapped a lot*
Our motto – “We slap, you decide how hard.” The same is written in the lipstick on the mirror above my waterbed.
But people also came to Granthshala for the personality. Unlike places like CNN, where helpless drones replay words from a teleprompter. You’ll find more charisma at a coroner’s desk.
But Granthshala built relationships with its audiences with dynamic, likable characters. You probably don’t remember this lively debate show – “Cluko Aur Murgala”.
*Clip from Terrahawks in which the character calls the other a “very stupid doctor”*
They were debating the Iraq War.
Then there’s our edgy late-night show, “Let’s Talk About Sex.”
*Video of a dancing man playing the saxophone*
Which lasted from 11 pm to 5 am.
And yes, it was our afternoon chat show called ‘We Eat Children’.
*Video of Pipkins describing a hand puppet showing a rabbit*
We cut out the part where they eat the kids.
And our weekend show, “Ferris Wheel Losers.”
*Video of men on manual ferris wheel*
He later became “Outnumber”.
Finally, we covered “Ultimate Stock Tips!” Launched his business channel with
*Automatic mouth video makes noise in microphone*
The guy told me to buy a lot of stock in Enron.
Yes, we have grown a lot since then. well I do not. I have really shrunk.
But I don’t think there has been any success story like Granthshala’s. Coming from somewhere – mocked by the mainstream. And then defeating the hell (and the lies) out of them all.
All the other networks liked to s*** on us all, and then all of a sudden they all tried to be us. Granthshala News quickly became number one. And made the other network like number two. And this happened for a reason – it was not fear.
We had balls bigger than a circus elephant. Granthshala wasn’t trying to fit in with some media cool kids table. If you look at our competition, they were afraid to upset their industry peers, which is what happens when you all play for the same team.
Granthshala said screw that — a whole country isn’t being served, and we’re taking them. I wonder what life would be like without Granthshala News?
Imagine if there was only one point of view in other areas of life…
*Man pretends to see doctor for elbow pain and is told that he is going to die and cannot get a second opinion*
I met Granthshala 13 years ago. You remember this classic…
*Introducing the Red Eye Premiere Saying They’re Going to Talk About Porn*
Yes, he’s aged well – like a loaf of white bread that fell in the back of the refrigerator 5 years ago.
But as weird as that show was, Granthshala stood with her like a nurse next to a seriously ill patient. Of course, they kept us up at 3 in the morning. I think this was the first example of social distancing. They hid us like bodies in the trunk of a serial killer’s car.
But they saw in me something other than a pinch of gin and 25 decorated olives. He saw my talent, my talent, my quads. And they knew I was the man they wanted to see at 3 a.m. in the Eastern Time Zone — on TV — rather than outside their windows — perched in the bushes.
But, I am grateful to Granthshala. It’s amazing that when the visiting angels fired me they hired me when they found out I was stealing bedpans. Hey, they made a plate of great food.
And history has a way of repeating itself. The show is now doing the same with Late Night, just as Granthshala News entered the arena and took over mainstream news.
Mainstream media treated us like a joke. Now we are giving the punchline, and every night, millions of you are laughing with us.
The current crop of stale, boring, partisan late night hosts seems to be more interested in Nancy Pelosi writing her own script than they are in keeping her audience interested. SNL won’t even make fun of Joe Biden. No wonder he had the lowest rated show in history last week – his season premiere.
The show followed Granthshala News’ game plan: see what all the sheep are up to, and provide what’s missing – the unspeakable truth. Humor. fun.
Granthshala News also loves its country. And for that, Granthshala stood apart from other media types who thought it good to denigrate bitter clingers.
As CNN turns into a shrill clown car of tragic scolding, we laugh out louder than Kamala Harris after doing 5 whips.
As MSNBC continues to use the emergency room at the mental hospital as its employee pool, we hire renegades.
And as late night shows become more boring soapbox lectures, we’re re-inventing.
All those people will keep watching us, and they will keep reporting what we do and say, and we will happily allow them to do so. And we want to thank you for that.
So thanks America. And, also, welcome America.
This article “Gutfeld!” Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the October 7, 2021 edition of